Friday, July 10, 2015

Time squeeze

Time expands to fill space like air...

Time and time again have realized one thing. The question is not 'do you have time for a thing?' Its about how badly you want to really do it. 

There have been number of occasions when I have wriggled out of things under the standard pretext of 'I don't have time'.
And then there are things which I so badly  wanted to do, I just started with it -saying let me try if I can squeeze it in the limited time. 
It was gym this time. Body was feeling so       all tired tiry and needed a boost back to healthy self. Going to gym would mean finding one whole hour out from busy schedule regularly at least 4 times a week. Sounded so impossible.
But when I started with it, everything just made space for it and it filled it up nicely! 

Funnily, on the days when I don't go to gym, shouldn't it feel like, 'Wow! one extra hour! What do I do with it?' 

But nah, it just vanishes! Been a bit of mystery :D

Friday, June 19, 2015

Obsevatory pattern

Well, its just as it says. The classic obsevatory pattern in patterns.
Alright. So have I put it here accidently instead of a technical blog( which is not maintained for past 8 years to be precise)

Nah. Its not that. 

This is something I try, when I want to change something. Could be as simple as take regular breaks and walk around a bit. Don't sit too long continuosly. Healthy advise to self. 

So to get it done, Idon't  command myself to get up after certain time. I just observe. Just being a little conscious. N then I just feel like getting up after sometime.  

See, its kind of like the buddha story. Where Buddha gives advise to the theif, dont try to stop stealing, just try to be completely observant and conscious when you try to steal. Being conscious in the moment, gives you that thrust to do right thing. 

Amazing technique. My problem is, I stop obsering after first two days.Try to re-enforce and then, Start again to stop again. 

A bit fustrating. 

Then I say, may be I don't have enough drive or motivation or pull to do this. Cryptic. 

These are few things I never found a handle on. What's exactly that drives me? What is that one thing? Or is it one thing?  Do u seriously need motivation to be just a little mindful? Do you seriously need a motivation to keep with a stupid small habit of just walking around regularly. 

Just silly. Its just too silly. 

Saturday, May 02, 2015

Nothing is too bad

Heard a lot of times from different people, a certain movie is just rubbish. Absolutly unwatchable. 
A book, a tv show, an event, you name it. 

N I am thinking, really? 

Somehow, I had not found things to hate or dislike from bottom of my heart. 
Probrably cause I think of all the heartwork done by number of people, to get it together. Sure the effort was way of the mark. Still it was an honest effort. No one wants their creation to be bad. No one wants people to hate their creation. 

Ok. May be its sort of like empathy. Or may be I just steer clear off things which  I feel I wont like. N hence doesn't have list of lot of things I hated. 

But funnily, I feel, whatever it is that makes me not to feel too lowly about something that is bad, also keeps me from fully appreciating something great. 

It takes a lot to impress me. Am seldomly moved. I find a lot of thing just about ok, Better than ok, Good. 
But wow!! that was AMAZING!! Comes out so so seldomly. 

I am not quite sure yet, if its  good or bad?

The capability to recognize the spectrum spread, the exact reason why you liked, what you liked is extremely important, for you to articulate your own self, your own likings. 

As confussed as before...

Worth the Wait

Have you waited for something or someone to happen for a long long time?

Is it instance happiness and happiness only when its finally at your door steps?

What you waited for all this while, what you dreamed of as how it will be,and the  comparison  about how it actually is. 
If its not quite the way you thought it will be, or if its completly opposite, you are actually sad about the happening. You feel like I was better off just waiting for it. Rather That was my virtue than this or I was rather happy not getting it at all.

If its ok, not quite what you had imagined, yet not very bad, you are still a little sad. Cause in your mind you had imagined THE joy its going to be. So you kind of still a little sad.

Then, say it has turned up exactly the way you had thought, you are happy :)
And if its better than your imagination you are completly thrilled, elated, totally on the moon. Bouncing off floor n ceiling . Probrably hugging everyone in sight. 

Experienced this?
Exam results...
Going on date with that one special person...
Finding your soulmate/ partner...
Finding a house...
Buying something u always wanted...
Going to that one posh restaurant which was always too much outside the budget...
That trip you had planned in your head about 1000 times...
That one presentation/ meeting you thought is sooooo important...

Some things are going to happen inevitably, some have fixed dates, some are totally inpredictable. 
Either ways the wait is agonising, isn't it?

In the end, its very draining. 
Feels almost like mind playing games with itself.
In the end, 'Getting' does not matter at all. Matters only that was it 'Worth the Wait'?

Can you do something about it, if it was not worth the wait after all. Nope!
Just need to smile at life and move on. 

To Start With...

I started reading back! And strangely I am realizing now as to how much I missed it!
Few books finished , not with the same speed, not with the same voracity or avidness. Yet I am just feeling so wonderful!  

Well, but that's not the whole point. I looked at the pattern. 

I picked up 'The Broker' by John Grisham. Being repeat reader of 'The Firm' and 'The Client', this one turned out to be a pretty lukewarm experience. On each page, I waited for the twist, the wowness experienced in earlier books. But none came. Kind of anti-climax.  

Then, got '80 Days of Yellow'. Kind of dragged through it. Almost gave up midway. But wanted to see what's the end. And when I reached the end realised that it has a sequel. Grrrr. Couldn't dare myself to pick up the sequel. This author duo has another famous novel n recently released movie called '50 shades of Grey'. This I realised much later. Guess reading reviews helps sometimes. Anyway..

Then read reviews, searched, chose and picked 'The Book Thief'. I read it extremely slowly. Not wanting it to finish, devouring every bit. All the time spent on it was more than worth it. Beautiful style of narration. I will remember it for a long long time. And yet I got a strange feeling with it that I do not have any more patience left for repeat reads. I will not pick it again. 

A couple of weeks before, in a yet another 'surprise me!' mode picked  up a book called 'The Wild Girl'.  It went untouched for a week. Just didn't feel like picking it up. N then one day in bored mode, started with it. So far seems to be extremely interesting. 

When I used to read before, it was a similar pattern. However, I did manage to leave a couple of them unfinished out of boredom. (Recalling one of them to be 'The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari' zzzzz....)

Now, the notorious habit of putting philosophy in every teeny-tiny thing in life is gonna die hard.
So here it comes.. ;)

Tried to read the pattern-
Some were loved! Didn't want them to finish. For some you may want repeat experience and get it too. For Some you may just want to savour on that first taste. 
Some had high expectations but failed flat, some were not extremely interesting and yet not extremely dull, not too happy for them not too sad. 
Then there are few which left unfinished. Some were not of my taste yet I walked through it, cause I wanted to see where it went. 
There were some which I thought were wrong choice and turning out to be quite interesting. Unexpected delights!

Point is to start. Whatever is on the mind start and see where it takes you. Everything teaches something. 
If you decide to turn your back on the whole thing you are just going to realise much later that you have been missing out on so much!

Am not really talking about books any more. But you know that already right?

Friday, March 20, 2015

Slow Motion Days

Has it ever happened to you?

Too many things happening at one time. Rushed days. Deadlines. Sleeping late in night and getting up early. 
Thoda thoda bhag bhag sa...

Deadline is done. All went well. Good job! Phew.  
You come home. Bit relaxed. Resolve to catch up on sleep and sleep early. 
There is this one bit of personal work you been holding off for so loong. Cause you were so super busy with deadline. You tell yourself, "you are in the momentum of getting early these days. You are sleeping early today. Why dont you get up early just one day tomorrow and finish off that task". Sounds good, Logically ;)

As resolved you sleep early. But, you keep tossing up and turning around on bed. You would have thought it will be instantaneous aha sleep. But nope your mind is still jogging. Not thinking anything specific now. But just jogging, keeping you wide awake. 

Finally, you fall asleep. Peacefully! After many days. 
Early morning, alarm rings. Snooz snooz snooz snooz.
'Oh, forget about that task yaar. Will do it later. I procrastinated so long it can wait another day. Let me just sleeeeep.'

You get up at very last minute, when its necessary to get up and start getting ready. Slooooowwllyy. 

You can feel yourself doing everything in sssslllooww motion. Everything taking more time than usual. You drag your feet. And reach office. After a sluggish hour or two. You are back in grind and back to normal speed. By evening you are normal :)

Thats the mind fatigue, i guess. 
Its like a warrior. With deadlines, days run together. Its like One big day. While sleeping, eating you are constantly alert. Awake. Thinking.  
When you keep weapons down the mind is still jittered. Still in the warrior moment. 
When it sleeps, it has accepted the battle is over. That exhaustion gets in form of slow motion the next day. 

I sort of cherrish such days. Its a sign of battle and battle won successfully. 
Don't know if it makes any loggical sense. 

If i get that pride out of my ordinary life and really minimal efforts,  its unimaginable what a solider, sportsman or any person  who takes on tones of hardwork to meet their goals would be feeling. 

Hopefully, in an effort to create more slow   motion days puts me to do more goal oriented work!